6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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