I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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