I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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