i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
