We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
