After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
