i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
