Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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