just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
