I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
