is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
