The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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