Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
