We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
