go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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