I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
