apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
