we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize