Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
