You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish you could order shots online.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize