Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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