you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
