Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
