imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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