Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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