i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
