we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize