just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
