Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
