somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
