How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
