I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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