Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
