I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
