Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
