She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
