she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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