I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
