Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
the raccoons are back...
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