the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize