Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
