I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just invented taco cereal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
