After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
