I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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