Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
