I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize