WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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