It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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