You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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