If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
