Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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