I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
