KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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