i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
