Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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