How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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