He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
