Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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