I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
