so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
