I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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