at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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