just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
