So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
