somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
