Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
