Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
