It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
