she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize