Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
