So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
