that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
false alarm, still single
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
