So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize