went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
