If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
