Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
